


Tie a knot in it

by darain39



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, I love MAGICAL ASS BABIES, M/M, Mentions of Beastiality, Mentions of knotting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:37:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darain39/pseuds/darain39
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Soooo Derek…we’ve been together for like almost two years now. Not that I’m complaining in any way but just exactly how much longer am going to have to wait until we move onto to getting werewolf married, copious amounts of knotting and my luscious male body preparing itself for the arrival of just the most perfect magical ass baby:?!” Stiles grinned broadly while Derek seemed to choke on nothing but his spit and Stiles was sure the werewolf just surprise-farted a little.  </p>
<p>Why in god’s name did he love this idiot so much?</p>
<p>A.K.A If knotting’s a thing let’s talk about magical ass babies!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tie a knot in it

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god this fought me for almost a year! I don't get it??? I love sterek and any time i get to use the term "magical ass babies" it should be cream cheese but ... whatever...
> 
> I blame you. I'm 34 and legit 4 years ago I had no fucking clue what mpreg was 
> 
> (oh go read my fav mpreg fic Tiny Houses right now before u waste ure time here)

Tie a knot in it  
Summary: 

“Soooo Derek…we’ve been together for like almost two years now. Not that I’m complaining in any way but just exactly how much longer am going to have to wait until we move onto to getting werewolf married, copious amounts of knotting and my luscious male body preparing itself for the arrival of just the most perfect magical ass baby:?!” Stiles grinned broadly while Derek seemed to choke on nothing but his spit and Stiles was sure the werewolf just surprise-farted a little. 

Why in god’s name did he love this idiot so much?

A.K.A If knotting’s a thing let’s talk about magical ass babies!!!

The thing with Stiles is this. He knows Google.  
No seriously  
He knows Google

He probably shouldn’t mention that it was mostly due to his, to put it politely, omnivorous, taste in porn that had him mastering exactly how to bypass most 18+ websites by the time he turned 14. He’s sorta damn proud about that okay? .As proud as one can be having to learn exactly just how fantastic lube is at smoothing certain things along or how to quickly become an expert removing certain substances from a computers keyboard. And sometimes the wall. And it was only that one time with the fridge. Shut up! You weren't there!

If he had t be honest it was more like multiple times. A day. His review on Durex’s website had three stars people!

But that was all in the past. Stiles didn’t need porn anymore. No sir. He has real life porn .Albiet his porn has serious issues about eyebrow grooming and way too many muscles that probably served no other purpose than to support his actual muscles…a win-win in his books! He hadn’t told Derek this but he also Googled trying to find better abs than his surly wolf’s but gave up after his ‘hairy + hot + abs’ forced him to scroll about five pages down without inducing so much as a stiffy. 

God damn perfect Derek boyfriend abs!

So in summary all of this came about from his dry humping with Derek which was possibly nearing about the thousandth time since their first kiss. If his dick has a permanent zipper imprint from this there will be hell to pay!  
After coming in his pants a ridonkulous amount of times in the last couple of months he finds it perfectly acceptable to search for “gay werewolf sex” and tries not to vomit in his mouth too much when he scrolls down the results page.

But wait! There’s more!

He’s supposed to have a spark or be one or whatever that cryptic fuck Deaton likes to call him between sighing and not saying all of the things! No thats not quite true. That damn asshat says none of any of the things! Namely anything actually important when it comes to fending off the big baddies! Swear to god, Derek’s eyebrows talk more than that man does, and loudly too!

Stiles is a man goddamnit! 

He’s cool with being a werewolf’s mate. This is dear reader apparently A THING. He deals with ‘a semi-possessive sniffing hickey inducing boyfriend ' on the daily, who gives zero fucks exactly just how many times Stiles’ father, the Sheriff never mind you, has caught said boyfriend with his hands down his “innocent” son’s pants, looking like sex just had sex with him and then merely shrugging his shoulders muttering “werewolves” while his dad still makes half-hearted attempts to pull his service weapon on him. 

Jesus what is his life even?

He’s made peace with forever lusting after the way Derek’s nose twitches when he’s shy and how sexy bunny teeth are all of a sudden. How much he wants to wake up to Derek every morning. Even if he has to remind Mr. Fuzzy Butttm that NO!, sleepy blowjobs with fangs are mostly still scary, not uber sexy!

So now that there’s context, he’s back in a fart covered room with Derek’s insanely small red tipped ears, Stiles and his semi-permanent boner whenever he's around Derek and the words 'magical ass babies' still hanging thick in the air between them. He’s going to ignore the subtle sniff and glance down towards his denim covered erection like he normally does when he’s in the mood to talk rather than have his brains sucked out through his dick. Right now there are more important things to consider. Things like words dedicated to ‘tissue stretch’ and possible’ bulbous glands’ and lots of ‘oh my god that’s not how my ass works I’m in PAIN’ thank you very much! 

Words like that.

Discussions are to be had about facing the fact that he’d possibly have to master the art of simultaneously holding onto his double quarter pounder with cheese whilst trying to diaper his wolf progeny in a McDonalds change room all the while questioning almost all of his life choices as talcum powder floats in the air between them.

Derek’s eyebrows are still in the region of forming up with his hairline and his mouth has pulled down in the corners somewhat. Stiles is blaming the fact that Derek might be embarrassed that he just farted. He's strangely shy about things like that! Just one more reason he loves the big dumb-dumb so much.

“Stiles. Knotting? KNOTTING? Really? You’ve had my dick down your throat enough times now that I’m sure you would have noticed my freaky werewolf junk doing things like trying to choke you to death and drown you in fountains of wolf come!” Derek’s breathing pretty heavily now and his ears look positively hot to the touch.

The human clicked his teeth together, narrowly missing biting his tongue. Ooooookay so Derek might have a valid point there but fuck, how did he suddenly have the ability to make blowjobs sound so grossl just now? I mean EWWWWWWW!!

Stiles muttered something inaudible to even Derek's super hearing before turning away from the wolf, shoulders slumping, his scent shifting into a resigned sadness. Derek took a few steps to close the distance between them, slipping his arm across his boyfriend’s shoulders, pulling him close. After all this time he'd learnt it was better to stay quite when he felt adrift, lost in the sea Stiles' sometimes radically shifting emotions could fling them.. Especially if he didn’t know exactly what he’d done wrong. Stiles would tell him. That was always a given. He just had to bite on his tongue and wait him out.

He tightened his grip, fitting his nose snuggly behind Stiles' ear, his chest rumbling between them, breathing deeply, as always, as forever, absolutely content.

This is what tells him Stiles is mate. 

He doesn’t need animal physiology or anything other than understanding this is how a heart should feel when it’s other half, its soul mate, its everything, is cradled close to its body.

They stood in silence for a moment longer, rocking gently back and forward, each giving and taking what the balance requires of the pair to stay perfectly in sway. Another reason Derek was so damn sure this was forever. 

They’re perfectly matched for each other. 

He feels Stiles squeeze his arms tightly before filling his lungs with a breath. He braces himself without making a sound while Stiles turns to face him.

Here it comes.

“Dude. I like really love you. You kind of get that by now. I do the thing where I freaking sweep up after you and the rest of the pack even though you tell me not to and you should know you hopeless idiots shed more hair than the freaking mutts Deaton has Scott do anal thermometer readings on for fucks sake! I've seen you go from gloriously naked and two legged to full wolf in the blink of an eye. So I kinda got curious and Googled while naturally Erica was more than helpful when I asked about her and Boyd doing the dirty. She fucking drew pictures for me baby??!!! There were goddamn labels and "you are here!" arrows Derek! I still have issues looking Boyd in the eyes or actually anywhere body related on most days... -!”

He stops mid rant.

Why?

Derek.

Derek the unmitigated asshole is honest to god laughing at him right now! Like full on shoulder shaking, snorting un-gainfully red in the fucking face laughing! Stiles is suddenly seriously considering sanctions on all oral activity when it comes to Derek's anything. It would serve him right the fucker!

This phenomenon goes on for what feels like hours, or at least until his were-ass is tired and giving his howling laughter over to a solid hearty chuckle every 2 minutes or so. If Derek leaves here with no scars (screw super healing, you sir, are not welcome here!) it will be because angles took pity on his asswolf or some shit!

" Oh haha! Yes! Yuck it up at the silly human who at least thought it would be a good idea to get the "Lube to freaky dick attached to asshole I definitely love" ratio just right in case this was forever and I'd possibly spend days sitting on that weird hemroid donut pillow thing Jackson McTightass carried around last month! Good one Derek! It sure is funny how much I'm coming to realise just how far I'd go to show you..." 

Stiles doesn’t get to finish.  
Later he might share with everyone that his perfect boyfriend moved up and closed off the gap between them, instantly yanking up their combined body heat to super-hot on the Kelvin scale, pushing a thick, hairy digit with its unbitten nail, another awesome Derek thing by the way, against his open lips. 

He couldn’t breathe right now so the talking thing would have to wait.

Derek’s forest green eyes looked at him a moment longer before he spoke, just above the deafening sound of half of Stiles blood heading north to his big brain and all the unallocated liquid whooshing rapidly south to his (not so little fuck you very much) other brain. 

“Stiles, you know how difficult things have been for me since Kate and the fire and all the horror that was “re-Pete”, possibly just about everything to do with my sad existence. That said, one day this stupid buzz cut asshole led his doofball friend on a quest to find a body in the woods and I can honestly say he just about changed my life in all of the ways. I might not always have shown you just how much I appreciate you. Your tired arms and legs pulling me up out of the water, small touches, tired smiles and even that ever loving sarcastic fucking beautiful mouth you kept aimed at me. I honestly couldn’t find a better reason to stand here in front of you wishing I could put a little bit of both of us up your ass right now!”

Stiles couldn’t help feeling bad now that he could see the faintest shimmer of tears shimmering in his wolf’s eyes before he flung himself, hard, against that perfectly sculpted body. Honestly just Derek here, even laughing at his dumb ass would be enough to keep him happy forever.

Derek hugged him back for a moment before pulling them apart, his multi-coloured eyes glinting mischievously.

“All said and done that doesn’t mean I couldn’t shift into my wolf form and just give it a try right?”

This time Stiles totally knows who surprise farted.

**Author's Note:**

> one day i will write a good fic...
> 
> one day i will write a bestiality fic and not giv a fuck what u think :) 
> 
> today is not that day


End file.
